I Never Look Classy: Part 15: Cuban Sandwiches are Delicious

So, it turns out that Cape Coral is where old people go to die.

I don't really have anything to add to that statement, just something that I noticed and figured I would share that.

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Miami.

The City of Angels.

We were going back to Miami. (Actually, most of us hadn't been.)

The morning started early as we left Cape Snore-al (it's boring, get it?!?!?) and drove on the interstate.

We eschewed the use of the highway to get to downtown and instead decided to drive through the city streets from the outskirts near the airport until we reached our first stop of the day, The Bal Moral Shoppes. The Mal Boral Shoppes is basically where people with too much money divest themselves of some of it in the search for designer label clothing.

There was a dress that we saw on a rack, not much but a few wisps of sparkling cloth. It's price tag?

DOLLAR SIGN SIX THOUSAND, NINE HUNDRED AND NINETY FIVE.

$6995.

Plus tax. Oh, but there was a sale. 33% off.

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We ate at one of the cafes in the mall. It was there that I first tasted a Cuban sandwhich. I don't know how authentic it was, but it was delicious.

Ham and Pork on crispy cuban bread with pickles and sauce. It was very delicious. I would have ordered a second, but it was $11.

After that, Derrick and myself left Clovis and Adam to the fancy pants mall and decided to go for a drive to Miami beach.

It was a bit of a cloudy day in Miami, but as we arrived at the beach it started to clear up. We stood in the water and stared at the ocean for a bit. After about 20 minutes we figured it was still kind a cloudy and the beach was deserted (minus two old ladies), so we bailed and drove around looking for a place to eat dinner a bit later.

Along the way back to the Mall, we noticed that we were using our knowledge of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City to help us get around Miami. That game was set in a fictionalized version of Miami, and we were shocked to see how accurate the game portrayed the real city.

We drove past the alleyway where you get missions from some sketchy guy near the start, we saw the part of the city where your first save point was, stuff like that.

Good times.

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An odd thing we saw at the Bal Moral Shoppes. Well, not odd, but something I'd only heard about, and it was cool.

Walking around the mall at a very leisurely and provocative pace was a model wearing a ONE BILLION DOLLAR (not real figures) Designer Dress. This was her job, to walk around in it and show it off. She made slow laps around the second level, first in a coral pink dress, the second in a lime green dress with a fur mantle.

She was about nine feet tall and weighed approx. eleven pounds.

A stunning sight to see, but I hadn't thought we were in a place that would do that sort of thing.

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Dinner was a bit of a trial, a long trek, a journey to a mythical place that A) serves food that doesn't suck and B) Does not cost $100 per person.

We decided to hit up the part of Miami where you stay in a hotel at the beginning of Vice City after you see your cousin and cohorts murdered. We actually pretty much found the exact hotel and decided to find a place to eat nearby.

I must warn you, do not go to Miami beach and expect to eat food at one of the hotels along there without knowing the following:

ONE) All of the hosts and hostesses along the strip of hotels are vipers and hucksters (Thank you Clovis for that one). Walking along the strip is like walking through a meat grinder where every single one of the establishments are REALLY FUCKING KEEN to get your business.

The first one we walked past said that if we stayed at his place he would give us a free round of drinks, then he gave us a little card with all the menu options. I was really jonesing for another Cuban sandwhich, and saw one on the menu for a reasonable price.

We decided to check out a few more places before settling one, and the Host of the place told us that he would give EACH of us FOUR drinks on the house. For a moment I thought that maybe this was a good deal, but then I realized that something was wrong if 16 alcoholic beverages were going to be given out to us for free.

We left, but deja vu overwhelmed us as the exact same thing happened at all of the restaurants along the strip.

They must have been hurting for customers.

Oh, that's it. There is no second thing.

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We found a sushi place one street over, not on the strip. The sushi was pretty good, cheap, and we ate our fill.

On the drive home we stopped at McDonalds for ice cream.

A good day :)